One thing

I used to write about this all of the time. It helped me move forward and progress. It was my guiding light out of a dark room. I stopped.. and so did the light.I was so young. He put me in a cage that I am still gnawing my way out of with eyes shut. I feel a prisoner within myself. Emotions spilling out of me without permission. Triggered by feelings of inadequacy.. or feelings of being used. I was so young when he took it from me. He took the control I had over my own body.. and 7 years later I am still fighting to get it back. A lump in my throat.. it's almost as if I have thought about that night so often, that it has disappeared into a world of oblivion. I don't remember that night. I've thought about it too much. For so long... the skin on my body wasn't my own. For so long... I felt I owed you "my" body. For so long... I have felt the air in the room drain out..for so long.. I have been suffocating. Its the scariest thing to not be familiar with your body.. To have to explain to every lover why I may or may not burst into tears after a night of passionate love making. I have to apologize for leaving. I have to apologize. I can't apologize anymore. Not until I look in the mirror and continue on the path of improvement. It is my goal to take my body back .. the one that was taken from me 7 years ago. I need the air to be passed back to me through a tube. I need to recognize myself in the mirror.. I need to be okay.. and I know I will be okay.. I guess it takes a little longer.. but one day.. I know i'll have myself back.