Titles

Chiara, this is Andy.. this is Mike.. Guys.. this is my... uh...

Titles have always given me a sense of confinement. Well...Thats not true. There was a time when I was in highschool that I LOVED having someone to call my boyfriend.. In fact, the second something started becoming repetative, I wouldn't even ask permission. Whether he liked it or not, he'd become my boyfriend. Somewhere down the line, as I grew older, things got more complicated. Feelings were more complex. Then, the whole "sex" and becoming-in-tune-with-my-sexuality-thing got things even more messed up.

The passed few relationships have been cages. They were filled with guilt trips and expectations. They were packed tight with obligations and boundaries. Yet for as long as I remember, I had ONE mantra about titles. You should never commit under a title, you should only commit over emotions. I think this is the underlyning issue in the high divorce rate. Getting engaged and then getting married is what comes after dating. It just does. There's a certain routine.

When you meet someone you're crazy about and want to spend every waking minute with.. you don't want to see other guys .. why? Because you don't care. Suddenly, every person you were casually dating has faded into oblivion. You choose not to sleep with anyone because the person you're with is the only person your body craves. When love is so pure and so honest, your significant other should TRUST you.. and allow you to have your freedom. They force nothing on you. If you want to spend the day with him, he'd be okay with it. If you want to spend it with your best friends, he'd be just as okay with it. No pressure on any angle.

Knowing I am commiting over nothing but emotion, WHY am I so hesitant to label it?

Somewhere in my past, I lost the excitement of calling someone my own. You know the thrill. As you tightly grasp his hand and have a glowing grin on your face.."Guys, this is my boyfriend.. You know, the one I can't stop talking about!"... The thrill of knowing.. it's the two of you against the world. I know I'm young. I know there are a million things to learn about love.. as well as things to learn about myself. But this is the first time I feel this way. Hungry for someone all of the time.. feeling the safety and stability of an unspoken , unlabeled relationship.

By the way, it's been labeled. You know, for the mere sake of introductions to new friends.